Every January, the phrase 'new year, new me' echoes around the world. It’s a hopeful mantra—a vision of transformation. Yet, for many, this vision fades as quickly as the holiday decorations. Why does this happen, and how can we finally make lasting change? Let’s break it down.
The Reality of Change
If you’ve ever thought, ‘This year will be different,’ but found yourself in the same place, you’re not alone. It’s not because you lack willpower or ambition—it’s often because you haven’t taken the time to understand where you are before planning where you want to go.
Sometimes, we find ourselves stuck in situations we’re not happy with, holding back from making changes out of fear or uncertainty. Then, when things get unbearable, we take drastic action that feels rushed or desperate. Maybe we stayed in a job far too long, waiting until we were utterly miserable instead of leaving when we first felt it wasn’t right. Or we stayed in a relationship that wasn’t working, hoping things would magically improve, only to feel trapped after bigger commitments like buying a house or starting a family. Perhaps we ignored signs to prioritise our health, avoided therapy when we needed it, or made impulsive decisions we later regretted. How many times do we catch ourselves saying, “I should have done that sooner”?
Let’s face it: for the new you to emerge, you will need to say goodbye to what no longer serves you. But, do you know what it is that you are letting go of?
Understanding The Old You
When I took voluntary redundancy, I decided to use the time to focus on personal growth, diving into studying and pursuing a passion project. Along the way, I had the chance to connect with people from all sorts of backgrounds, and one thing stood out: many of them felt they weren’t living their best lives or becoming the person they’d imagined they could be. Most didn’t know what they truly wanted, who they aspired to be, or what their life’s purpose might look like. In some extreme cases, a few even wished for a way to erase their past completely—seeking to forget their traumas and mistakes entirely, rather than working through them with therapy, healing, or self-reflection. It was a stark reminder of how lost we can feel when we don’t have a clear direction or tools to navigate change.
Practical Exercise: Self-awareness is the cornerstone of change.
Take 10 minutes to write down your answers to these questions: What am I most proud of? What do I wish were different? What patterns or behaviours are holding me back? This self-assessment is the first step toward crafting a new version of yourself.
Waiting until job satisfaction hits rock bottom or a relationship becomes toxic makes change harder. Start with small adjustments when things feel manageable—it’s easier to steer the ship before it’s caught in the storm.
Getting a bit more academic, Abraham Maslow (American psychologist and creator of the Maslow's hierarchy of needs, a theory of psychological health) believed that a person’s basic needs must be met before they can achieve the state of continuous growth. One must meet the need for physical survival, physiological needs, safety, belonging, and so on. Only then, one is able to invest time and energy on continuous growth, or self-actualization.
Practical Exercise: Are your basic needs being met?
Take a moment to reflect on where you are right now by considering these levels:
- Physiological Needs: Are your basic survival needs like food, water, sleep, and shelter consistently met?
- Safety Needs: Do you feel secure in your environment, finances, health, and overall stability?
- Love and Belonging: Are you fulfilled in your relationships, friendships, and sense of connection with others?
- Esteem Needs: Do you feel confident, recognised, and valued for your contributions and achievements?
- Self-Actualization: Are you investing in personal growth, pursuing your potential, and living with purpose?
Pinpointing your position on the hierarchy helps you understand what areas need attention before focusing on the next level of growth.
Understanding What Values Are More Important To You
Beyond Maslow’s hierarchy, our actions and decisions are also driven by fundamental human needs. Tony Robbins identifies six core human needs: certainty, variety, significance, connection, growth and contribution. Recognizing which two needs dominate your personality can provide clarity on why you prioritise certain areas in your life and help align your goals with what truly fulfills you.
For example, if your dominant needs are certainty and connection, you may find yourself gravitating toward stability and close relationships. If your primary needs are growth and significance, you may focus on personal development and striving for recognition in your field. Identifying these needs can illuminate what drives your current choices and what may need adjusting to achieve a 'new you.'
Practical Exercise: Which two needs resonate the most with you right now?
Take a moment to review these six needs and consider which two resonate most with you:
- Certainty: The need for stability, predictability, and feeling secure in your environment.
- Variety: The desire for excitement, change, and new experiences to keep life interesting.
- Significance: The need to feel important, valued, and unique in the eyes of others or yourself.
- Connection: The yearning for close relationships, love, and a sense of belonging with others.
- Growth: The drive to learn, develop, and become a better version of yourself over time.
- Contribution: The desire to give back, help others, and make a meaningful difference in the world.
Choose the two needs that feel most essential to your happiness and fulfilment right now. Reflect on how they influence your daily choices and whether they align with the changes you wish to make in the new year.
Final Words
Understanding your core needs isn’t just an exercise in self-awareness—it’s a powerful tool for creating meaningful change. When you know what drives you, you can set goals that truly resonate with your values and move closer to becoming the version of yourself you aspire to be.